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05-Mar-2020 21:35

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I feel like a prized show dog being paraded in front of the judges. It’s like we’re constantly studying and analyzing one another. Since we’re trying to be our best selves, I’m more curious than ever to know what he’s hiding. We might be together, but we’re still working on that initial trust.

As if dating isn’t enough of a pain in the ass, starting a new relationship is even worse. I know I’m supposed to impress them too, but I’m still busy getting to know him. The moment I’m finally his girlfriend, I’m swamped with doubts and fears. I know what I’m hiding and I’d like to just get all his flaws and secrets out now versus waiting. I guess everyone thinks it’s not going to last, so they need to meet him from the moment I say I have a boyfriend. This early on, they could very well ruin the relationship. I’d love to relax and just see how things go, but no, I’m supposed to know during the first month or two what our future looks like. I don’t know if we have long term potential or how many kids we might want. There are just some things I don’t trust him enough to talk about yet.

I realize this should make me happy, but the first three months of a relationship are hell. Why does it always seem to happen when I’m with my new boyfriend? I wouldn’t want them to not get their two cents in. Usually, there’s enough trust by the fourth month to be more open, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells the first three. I’m great at being myself, but not so much at impressing people with the best me. While I might be able to relax more and more with him, I’m still in the meeting everyone he knows phase.

And damn if some people aren’t complete douchebags. Since these first months are so crucial, I have to spend more time with him.

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