Dating success mp3
However, if you cannot reach the goal, then you either need to abandon it, or change. However, if the person is asking for a lot and/or has not developed many other positive qualities, then he/she might have to further become "whole" before he/she can attain the love life desired. To me, "what you hold true to, and what you change" depends on your goals. Even the goal of "be yourself" depends on who you want to be or feel you should be.
If you can reach the goal you set with who you are, then no change or improvement is required. I'm not saying the concrete approach of goals/feedback doesn't work--I just want to make sure the deeper role of values doesn't get left out. I too believe that "values" are an important guide and precursors to your goals. Some of my readers, being versed in "pick-up", use different terminology. He or she has demonstrated high value - or has high value.
For example, if you want smart women..talk to a few in your area and find out what they like. Then see whether what you're willing to give matches up with their wants too. So, take both into consideration for success in dating and relating. I think being who you are and improving is a fine line, that I, and I'm guessing sometimes others, get confused. What if you think what a certain type of person wants isn't really what they want?
If you're looking for creative men, then check out what they are into. Get to know the dating market you're interested in - and what they are looking to "buy" in return.5) Assess your options - Once you know your dating market, you can see who might be interested in an exchange. For example, if one went through a trauma that makes them leery of dating do they work on that and become "whole" before they start dating, or will the "right" person understand and accept their hesitance as they work on improving that aspect of themselves? (As it seems opposites do not always attract, nor always repel, if I were to guess an extrovert would want another extrovert I would be right some of the time and not others...) As usual, not expecting an answer/response to all these questions, but I'll take 'em... I think you want to be the best person you can be before you offer yourself to others, but that understanding of "best" has to be based on the person you want to be, not the person you think others want you to be.
When looking for love, should you focus on "being what others want" and making yourself appealing?
Or, should you focus on "figuring out what you want" and going after the love life you desire? Now, here's where I further cement my place as "The Attraction Doctor" and settle this debate.
But, you don't have to be so vague and guess about all men, women, etc. So, search for the people who match that and find out what they want. However, if you don't like your options, then it is time to rethink the steps above. We can put the age-old dating debate to rest - BOTH what you want and what they want matters. For instance, I wish people wouldn't think about "do women [or men] want me to be welathy, or funny, or sexy, or outgoing, etc." and then trying to be that person instead of being their authentic selves. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship (and being authentic to who you are) is more important for a successful love life than guessing about what others want you to be (and trying to fit those expectations). With the right person, dating is both a satisfying exchange - and an authentic one. For example, if one is more on the pessimistic side is it okay to allow yourself to be that way or is one supposed to become an optimist?
When it isn't, at least one eventually chooses to goes elsewhere. Have a clear idea about what you are going to give back to them.3) Check your expectations - Take a good look at what you want versus what you're willing to give. But, it is also foolish to spend a million dollars on a shack. And, eventually, enjoy a mutually-satisfying interaction :)Go to Plus the fact that the article says advice for (real) men, what the hell does that mean? I mean is she saying that real women only want self confident men? I also think that attending to the specific wants of your desired partner(s) is important too.
Going back to the debate above for a moment, we can now see where each good doctors' advice fits. White's notion of "what you want" fits both in the benefits you'd like to receive from a relationship and the satisfaction you expect to derive from it. Rattenberg's notion of "what they want" fits in the costs that you can expect to put into a relationship and perhaps your chances of "picking up" different partners (your dependence level). It can make such nice and tidy sense of this stuff! However, you also don't need to obsess about every little detail. So, make sure the exchange you're planning is equitable and fair, for both you and for your prospective partners. See what your options for "trading partners" look like.6) Pick an option or reassess your plan - If you find a good deal, go with it. Attraction for more dating and relationship advice (in helpful categories)! Or cant be sympathetic to a man whos self confidence was shatterd for some reason? That is why I was attempting to reconcile the two views. My intention was to put forward a more comprehensive set of instructions that could find the middle ground.
Of course, that isn't to say that people's values don't change over time.
But, actual values change might be closer to "changing the self", as opposed to this discussion, which is more "changing expressions of the self".So I would say to the traumatized person: yes, work on your trauma, but do it for yourself, not because you think others will like you better if you do.